Feedom comes at a price and some pay more than others. I proudly support my husband in his decisions to help protect our way of life even though it means long lonely nights of worry and heartbreak.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Why are the shortest seperations the hardest?

Today K had an appt to figure out why hes still spitting up like he is. It has gotten sooo bad that he even spits up while he eats. The did an ultrasoud to rule out Pyloric Stenosis and although they told me it came back normal, i don't have much faith in that because they couldn't get a good picture for measurments. The angle always showed the opening flat on the bottom instead of a full circle. I was kinda ticked at the ultra sound tech when she kept going, its not round but oh well it will do. I felt like yelling at her and being like, " LOOK YOU LAZY PEICE OF CRAP! THIS IS MY KID WE ARE DEALING WITH AND THIS IS A SERIOUS CONDITION THAT REQUIRES SURGERY TO FIX AND MAKE HIM BETTER, DONT TELL ME, "OH WELL IT WILL DO!" They also did an x-ray to check the anatomy of his insides just to make sure it all looked good. Didn't have the results of that before we left so I don't know.
They changed him from zantac to previced which is a proton pump inhibator. Its supposed to work better than the zantac so we will see. My poor little man is wore out from spitting up so much and he hasn't been sleeping well he passed out at 7 which is not like him at all. I'm really hoping that the previced works because I am at my witts end. He hasn't eaten but maybe 3 times today and normally he eats about 10 times a day. He's also only eaten about 5-10 min at a time instead of his normal 30-40 min. I changed his diaper at 600 and just checked him and he's still dry so we are on 5 hours of not peeing. I may have to take him to the er.
These last 10 days have been extremely hard and I don't know why. Normally I am fine when L is gone to the field or out on rotation or something else, but, these last 10 days have been really hard. I miss him WAY more than normal. It's hard to explain. I think the only way to sum it up is that I feel like I did while he was deployed but 10x more. I haven't slept lately so I think that that plays a HUGE part in it. He made me feel loads better yesterday when he called me to tell me he missed me. Made me feel good for about 3 hours but then it made me miss him even more. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like Im gonna break down and cry at any moment. I think I just need something familiar. I need to go home to see everyone I think is my problem. December can't come fast enough thats for sure. If I could afford it I would fly home while he's in R. School but if we are going home for Christmas, then its not possible, not unless we suddenly get approved for our dividends between now and then.
I sat outside for a bit tonight with Hunny and realized just how boring my life is. Not that I dont love having my babies, and they keep me plenty busy, but I have no me time. No time to go do anything or to spend time with just my husband.. Mainly cause he's always at work but still, the moments I do get with him are interupted by screaming kids in the middle of the night. I don't go anywhere, also again because my husband is never here and I don't feel like driving 45 min to an hour to get there. I can't wait to leave this crap hole.

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