Not quite myself

I've been in a weird place lately and I'm not sure why. Emotionally, I'm a HUGE wicked mess. I don't know if it's because L is gone or if it's something else. I'm over the mood spectrum. I cried today while watching Maternity Ward when the sister got to cut her littlebrothers cord. I also cried when Wes and I watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Whats that all about? Yeah it was sad that he died but holy crap, I have NEVER cried at stuff like that. Craziness I tell you.
I go back to the orthopedist tomorrow so I should know more about what they did to me. Hopefully I get these stitches out, I'm tired of having to either wear shorts, roll up my pant leg or wear the stupid ace bandage to keep the stitches from catching on my pants and pulling. Hopefully he'll give me the good news and say "you may now officially walk". Im not supposed to be putting weight on it but thats easier said than done when you have an almost 7 month old. But shhh I wont tell him that hahaha.
I've been hngin out with E alot. Shes been my savior the last few days. She even came over and helped me clean. I don't think she understands how much that means to me. The only thing i have now is our bedroom and the normal everyday things. I finally caught up on all the laundry and the dishes now that L is gone. It will be nice to maybe do a load of dishes once every couple of days and laundry every once and awhile. I do miss his messes though. As much as I hate constantly picking up dirty clothes and dishes from him, finding socks and boots all over my livingroom, I really miss it when those things aren't there.
I always seem to take for granted how much having him here means to me. I tend to complain a lot about the house always being dirty with his stuff or how he never picks up his clothes from the bathroom, leaves the toliet seat up or uses an abundance of towels, but I miss all those things when he is gone. I find myself leaving things on the floor just to make me try and miss him less. Sometimes I find myself questioning why I love this man so much and times like now are when I realize why I do haha. Sad that I can only remember the reasons when he's gone but, at least I know why I do.